Just a few days to go now. How exciting! So exciting that I feel like jumping up and down, and waving my hands in the air, and spitting the little bit of sick that comes up at passers by.
I had several nightmares last night. In one, I dreamt that it was my wedding day and nothing was ready and it was a total fiasco. But it was all right, because then all my friends revealed they had played a hilarious practical joke on me, and the wedding wasn't for another four days!
In another, I dreamt that it was my wedding day and nothing was ready and it was a total fiasco. But it was all right, because then I woke up and realised it was just a dream, and the wedding wasn't for another four days! But then I realised the wedding is in another four days, and nothing is ready and it is a total fiasco!
I'm sure it will be fine. Despite the fact we haven't bought all the booze yet. Or anything to drink it out of. Or got enough high chairs. And the coach company's gone bust.
We haven't written our vows yet, either. Following endless arguments about whether to use quotes from Happy Gilmore or the lyrics to Angry Anderson's Suddenly, I have come up with a compromise - multiple choice vows.
"Do you promise to:
a) Love me forever and ever, till death do us part
b) Love me for about four years, then have an affair with someone at work
c) Love me for as long as it takes for you to realise you're gay"
We might just go with the wording supplied by Lewisham Council.