"Whatever 'in love' means"

I cannot believe it. Pete and I are engaged!

Actually I can believe it because we've been together for six years, give or take 2007 - 2008, and I've been hinting that we should get engaged every six hours for the last six months. But still.

He asked me on Sunday and it was very romantic. Although at first it was very annoying because I was watching America's Next Top Model (cycle 8) at the time but at least we have Sky+. What was said was too private to put on the internet but let's just say the proposal involved crying, knees and jewellery. I have not felt so emotional since High School Musical 3.

We decided to get married next year. I now understand this is completely mad as apparently you need 14 years to plan a wedding properly. And £15,000,000.

In a bid to save money we said no to the three-course sit-down dinner and yes to a hog roast. Everyone likes hog roast, and surely it will be cheaper, we thought. After all it is basically a posh doner kebab.

But we forgot this is a special, extra expensive wedding doner kebab. Therefore it is apparently worth FIFTEEN HUNDRED POUNDS. That is not including salads and desserts, which cost that much again. So that's THREE THOUSAND POUNDS for a pig on a stick, a lettuce and a Viennetta.

It's almost as if everyone I've ever spoken to who got married wasn't lying about it being massively complicated, expensive and extortionate. Who knew?

So there was only one thing for it. We sat down with our bank statements, took a long, hard look at what we can afford, decided we have to be realistic and took out a £15,000,000 loan. After all, it is MY SPECIAL F***ING DAY.